Like many folks on the internet, I’m an avid stumbler. I’ve lost uncountable hours pressing that button over and over again, just to see what comes up next. I’m tempted to stop what I’m doing right now and just press the button, in hopes that it brings me to some…. fuck, I actually did it, and lost a few minutes. Highlights included a recipe for fish-pie, and a picture of a woman with a phone taped to her head. Now, I have stumbleupon set to bring me to a lot of photography sites, and because of this, I’ve come to the (titular) conclusion that Photoshop has sucked the goddamn fun out of the internet. Let me explain…Whenever I find an interesting picture / photograph / painting on the internet, whether by means of stumbleupon or not, the comment section of the page inevitably goes like this.
1. “FIRST” often followed by “lol”
-Let me sidebar here for a moment. This is probably the stupidest thing on the internet. Worse than Twilight fan-fiction. For starters, who gives two shits if you are first? Is there an underground contest for fame, glory and riches to the person with the most “first” comments that I am unaware of? The person that started this trend, though notable for being the “first first”, should be trampled to death by ponies.
2. “Shopped.” As in photoshopped. As in, fake picture.
3. “Definitely shopped, you can tell by the pixels and from seeing a few shops in my time.”
4. “Who cares if it is shopped, it’s awesome.”
What kills me is how often this exact conversation seems to happen, almost verbatim. How many times can we have this conversation before it gets reduced to internet shorthand, so that the rest of us don’t have to watch people turn in slow circles, muttering “shopped” to themselves until they drown in their own spit.
What makes it worse, to me, is that I agree with hypothetical post #4, but often the person who says that doesn’t really think it, they just say it because it’s how the conversation is supposed to end. It’s a big jerk-off of a joke, where punchlines are delivered simply because there is a void if they aren’t, one that might be filled by, I don’t know, something useful.
And it doesn’t matter what the picture is. In fact, sometimes I think its reasonable to question whether or not something has been edited in photoshop, because its not always clear. Take, for example, the following picture.
photo by Kevin O’Mara
This is not a photoshopped picture (and is, in fact, a picture of an art installation called Inversion House). However, I can see how one might make the argument that it is a photoshopped picture. It’s certainly very strange looking. Mind you, this doesn’t excuse the notion of the “automatic conversation” as outlined above, but it is at least reasonable to suggest this could be a fake. However, the “conversation” usually happens with pictures like this as well…
taken from Bored to Death
Let’s just get the obvious out of the way – smoke doesn’t do that. It can’t and it never will. So, when somebody on the site replies in the comments “Obviously shopped” it means one of two things.
1) They actually think people might not realize that it is photoshopped. This means that they think everyone else is a total fucking idiot. This, in turn, makes them a total fucking idiot. It’s such an obvious statement, they may as well have posted “Hey you guys, we’re on the internet right now!” or “I am a complete tit!”
2) They are making an increasingly unfunny joke. This is the problem with internet memes. They get replicated so fast and so often that within a month, they are common-place – nowadays, I’m shocked when I see a picture of a cat that doesn’t have a grammatically-fucked caption. So, rather than thinking we’re all morons, the person is saying “Hey, you guys remember irony? How about sarcasm? Well, here comes some more, bitches!” As jokes go, it’s the path of least resistance.
Either way, to paraphrase Keith Olbermann (though, he was speaking in reference to Sarah Palin’s nomination to VP candidacy), “people who like that sort of thing will find this the sort of thing they like.” So, morons like jokes that morons make. I’m just looking forward to whatever the next meme is, so at least this one will go the way of the fat kid with the lightsaber and “All your Base” jokes.
Final Note: I’m sure someone will post a “first” comment now, in an attempt at a joke. If you do, at least leave your address, so I know where to send the ponies.
January 8, 2009 at 9:44 pm
First? I want ponies.
January 15, 2009 at 5:29 pm
Thats second photo was so shopped.
=p lol.
I somewhat agree… Its annoying not being able to know if a picture is real or not (some are obvious, but the ones that aren’t…). And i love stumble upon, and do the exact same thing =p